The blame game ...

In times of deep sorrow ... everyone blames God. Okay ... the Atheists don't ... and ... probably the Pope doesn't. I will admit, I've done my share of blaming too, but then something really big happened. Nothing. Nothing happened. I had 3 miscarriages in a row and told myself ... "God has a plan" Are you kidding me? Maybe he does ... or maybe I just had 3 miscarriages in a row. Period. No pun intended. Sometimes bad things happen ... because bad things happen.

When it comes to babies who die at birth, premature or otherwise, my heart breaks for those families anyways. It's not a rainbow of hope that God had a plan. That doesn't console most parents I would think. I'm willing to bet they are playing the blame game (again unless they are atheists who might still blame science.). I know some parents can be consoled by the thought that God simply meant for them to bless us with only a few minutes, or hours ... or just the pregnancy. I don't know. I'm not God. I'm on the fence.Not gonna lie ... it does console me sometimes.

On one side is believing in God. On the other, believing in Science. Right now I see some pretty big downers either way. On God's side ... then you have to wonder why he IS letting babies die. On the other, you have to wonder why some doctors are allowed to get away with what they do to laboring women who are at their most vulnerable times. Sounds like paperwork to me. In reality, I think bad things just happen. Every baby that dies has a different story of course. Maybe God knew there would be suffering and he decided that this little baby needed a soft place to land? My heart hurts just thinking of someone hurting my children, of losing them, or worse ... never having them :/.

I don't know what to say to those people. So I'm silent. I didn't experience it. I really hope to never have to. I'm sure they didn't wish it either. I sit in silence, thinking about them and their loss.  Next I'll check on both my kids, place my hand on their chests and feel their breathing (or listen to some snoring depending who's bed I'm at) and I'll watch them in the glow of the nightlight (aka internet router lights) and I'll be forever grateful for the blessings I've been bestowed ... whether it be by God, some guardian angels ... the craziest biological miracle fluke in the universe that allows sperm/egg to make a baby ... I'll thank them all.

My fanfiction addiction

I love Star Trek, especially the Next Generation. I love writing about it, and because I was especially displeased with how they did NOT delve into the Picard/Crusher relationship, choosing instead the Riker/Troi one, I seemed to have been stuck on it. But today, a few minutes ago, I finished reading a book on my eReader that left me very pleasantly surprised. As I approached the last page in anticipation of the ending I expected ... I was thrown a curve ball and left with the ending I WANTED! and it was written in 2005. How did I not come across this sooner!!!!!???? Oh well. Anyways, I'm pleased. Of course this probably will fuel more fanfiction on my part instead of less ... but we'll see. :)

I'm never going to sleep again ... am I?

Recently, Corey told me of a 2 1/2 year old boy going for a nap and not waking up. I am already lacking sleep because of 'recent' break-ins to the area. A lot of people say 'there's no point in losing sleep over it', except I am. I have 2 little ones that I need to protect and if I'm too slow getting to them when I need to be there ... I'll never forgive myself. So now I'm double stressed. Ridiculous isn't it? I hear parents brag about their kids sleeping 12 hours or more a night and frankly ... I'm fine waking up every few hours to a crying baby, or to comfort by toddler. I'm going to lose my mind aren't I ... sigh ... crazy.

Then there's immunizations, sleepovers, germs, their friends, grandparents, dentists, tooth decay, vitamins, colds, haircuts, spoiling them, educating them, discipline ... etc ... etc ... ;) Well ... I can honestly say that I won't lose sleep over my birth choices though. 1 down ...

Family Pictures

Finally! We took some family pictures. I know, I know ... 'bout time right? It was rough going with cranky kids, the cold weather, but our photographer Pam Linfitt did a great job! We will be doing some kid ones probably in the spring, since they are both May babies ... it makes sense to document their aging ... when they age haha. Right? If you don't have facebook, or didn't specify ... don't worry I printed out some extra copies :) ... Well Costco did all the printing. I can't wait until after Christmas so I can get a couple canvases done :D Woot.

Here are a few of my faves :

Christmas Tree!!

Today we did our traditional hike down to the riverbank and found our Christmas tree. AS usual, this involved a skeptical descent and even more hair raising climb back up. Why? Because we do that's why. I forgot to take a picture of our climb down and our climb back up but at least it wasn't as bad as last year. Amelie got distracted and walked too slowly so she and I made our way back to the climb up point after a walk down one length of the riverbank, while Corey went down the other and found our tree! She got tired. Booo. And whiny. Double boo. And wanted to be carried. Argh. I already had my arms full of a 7 month old baby, who toughed it out quite well. She did get through it though! I was very proud that she muscled through the trees, even though she was crying. When we finally made it back to the truck, she stopped crying and said, "The truck! Yay!" Needless to say, this is the last year we hike the riverbank. Next year, somewhere else, but definitely a real tree. Once we got it in the house Amelie exclaimed, "It's CHRISTMAS!!!" awwwww. I love her. William went for a nap, but I'm sure he was excited too.

Going to get the tree!!

Still happy to be tree hunting!

The view from the riverbank and Amelie picking up a "flower"

Hmmmm .....

Amelie thought that branch was our tree ...

The Tree!! We realized we had no working lights, garland or enough balls/decorations so ... this is the tree with a bout 5 balls, 2 candy canes, 3 silver deer and a teeny stocking.

Will is 7 months old!!

Yay! Will is now 7 months old and close to crawling. He can get around even if he isn't on his fours and moving around. Let's just say I can't leave him unattended. At 6 months, 3 weeks he weighed 18 lbs 8 ounces and measured 27 3/4 inches long. He loves his big sister very much, and his mommy of course. He's just finally decided to like carrots, potatoes and pears. Yum! He still breastfeeds and is growing like a weed, but much more attractive and wanted than a weed.

Squash

The line

Do you ever wonder where the line is? You know the one you don't really want to cross at any point? The one that will take an argument into dangerous territory? I hate that line. It's also there when I want to blog. Right. There. It's my blog and I can write what I want ... but I want people to read it so I sensor it ... only put good? things or fun things or at least I do now. IS that a catch 22? I think it is.

For instance, I used to write about pregnancy/birth ... but I got so much flack (is that a word?) that I stopped. I mean I don't understand ... it was my feelings! Things that actually happened to me or were affecting me. Then I wrote about work ... gawsh darn it anyways. I'm over that now. But still. My blog is boring now.

Right now. I want to blog about a book I'm reading. I like it and don't like it at the same time. It's frustrating because ... maybe the author reads my blog. I don't know! I like the author and don't want to hurt her feelings, but I really want to blog about the book! I can't stop reading the book, well obviously I stopped for a bit, because I want to know what happens, but whenever I pick it up I get mad and put it down. Another catch 22? I should google it. But I should know because I think I read the book Catch 22.

So here I am. Standing at that line, wondering if I should step over it ... write what I want ... or stay on my side.

You know, I wish I had a piano. I miss playing it a lot! Like ... a LOT! I also wish I had a laptop so I didn't have to be hunched over at a kids table, sitting on a sagging moose footstool (that shouldn't be sat on), typing on a wax crayon colored french keyboard and trying to not lose my mouse on the floor every time I adjust the screen.

Speaking of mice, I haven't seen any in a while. Do mice hibernate? I hope so. Maybe our new cat Cinderella scared them. She scared me! Crazy, hissing cat ... you'd only guess now, she's still leery ...

I'm glad I have spell checker. I love spell checker.

Will is 6 months old!

Well here's another one. The 7 month post should go up tomorrow. I was really hoping to have some kid pics to put up but we ended up having to redo them :( And they haven't been redone yet. Gotta admit I'm a little disappointed about that.

Nice babysitting .... lol

Surprise!!

Yum!

awwww

Will is 5 months old

Another ... er ... belated picture post ... ahem ahem ...

Happy Will

Mommy snuggles

Mini Al Borland from Tool Tome lol

Will is 4 months old!

Okay so this is ridiculously belated lol, but here are a few pictures from Will's 4th month :)

I really regret not blogging more/sooner ... I forget a lot of the stuff and until I get my butt in gear and start scrapbooking ... gah. I should SERIOUSLY clean the basement (for the umpteenth time) and get set up and just do it.

Flexibility Competition with one of the twins

Loving sister kisses!

Serious monkey business!!

Will's Baptism

Well, after a panicked last minute change of date/time, everything went smoothly anyways. Maybe even better than planned ... It turns out that you aren't supposed to have a Baptism on the first Sunday of Advent. I'm a teeny bit annoyed to find out that there were Baptisms in other parishes anyways, but ... in the end it worked out and everyone was able to come! Will listened intently during 99% of the whole ceremony (which is better than most of us adults there) and he adores Father Tru. Maybe it's his voice. Here are some pictures!

Noooooo not Holy water!!

The Godparents - Gayle Lavigne and Shea Evans

Father Tru Le (yup that's his name)

William listening intently

Mommy time!!