10 weeks old

I can hardly believe how fast time is going - yet it seems to be going SO slowly. Of course, it's hard to tell what's really happening because my days and nights are mashed together and I never know what day it is. It's not uncommon for me to refer to the day as friday when it's actually tuesday.

Amelie has grown so much already, but I still think she's little. She is QUITE the chatter box and once she gets started it's hard to get a word in. She has BIG smiles, but not really laughing yet. She likes to shriek and is extremely dramatic about everything. Seriously, I don't know where she gets that from. Probably Corey. Amelie has also learned to catch things that are hanging over her, but she has a problem coordinating the *letting go* part and gets upset (hence the dramatics begin) She does not like to be on her tummy, unless it's in her bed or on one of us. She'd much rather sit up or stand up (assisted of course). She also has this hilarious look that actually reminds me of mom. I'll get a picture of it and post it. It's a look like she's calling your bull crap.

Amelie loves her bath time and it's also a fun time for me - since I can coordinate it with MY shower time. She can be crying her little head off and I turn the shower on ... and it's blissfully quiet. Although, it is VERY rare that I have to try something different to quiet her. I can count on one hand the nights I got ZERO sleep. She's also starting to go to bed at a decent time - 9-11 pm and sleeps anywhere from 2-6 hours at a time. Yeah!! This is great for two reasons. 1. I can pump for the days I am out (like my upcoming golf game day with the girls) 2. I can sleep

She's also not a normally shy kiddo and likes people - except when there are too many hands on her. She doesn't like to be handled and passed around. And to be honest, I don't like it when she's handled and passed around. It's also getting a lot easier to pack her around, even though she's heavy as heck ;-). So be ready for visits, we hate staying home.

Tamind the Wild Jesse James

As I was walking down the road not that long ago, I noticed my 3 year old bay gelding in the cattle shelter. I called out to him, finding it strange that he wasn't with Tinky (we didn't name him). J.J. came out and neighed to me, but when he started to walk, I felt my heart sink. He wasn't putting any weight on his right hind leg. Damn. Not feeling like wrangling a horse with a baby in my arms, I went into the house and called my neighbour - Tanya. She would know what to do. She came over and after putting my sleeping baby to bed - we went outside and we called him over. Seeing as to how he's not broke yet - he eagerly came up to us (grin) We haltered him and got a good look at it - I felt a bit useless because it's been a while since I've done anything with my horses - but Tanya - luckily - had it under control. After establishing the damage we went inside and I called mom to come watch Amelie so that I could help clean and tend to the wound.

Once mom got there we went back outside, haltered J.J. - who's never been properly halter broke but acted like he's been halter broke - and really assessed the damage. We decided to get some things from Tanya's house. Before leaving though Tanya wanted to give him some medication - which went rather unceremoniously, then we whisked over and were back in a jiffy. We ran cold water over his leg. I might add that he also stood tied as if he'd been tied his whole life. Of course, this is his 2nd injury - last year he had a horrible looking gash on his shoulder - which Tanya also helped me with - so this wasn't exactly new. After Tanya had cleaned it all up, we turned him loose in the upper pen.

Yesterday - Tanya told me that J.J. was out. I peered at her curiously, then realized she meant he'd escaped into the larger paddock. I just laughed and we went back outside and called him back up. He - of course being the wild horse that he is - immediately came to see us. After cleaning his leg again, Tanya gave him some more meds - which this time he did not appreciate. Today is his last day for meds and hopefully it goes well. I wonder if I just get on him one day if he'll just act like he's been broke his whole life :-)

Sleep Deprivation VS Sleep Deprivation

Everyone has always and still always says that when you have a baby you can say goodbye to sleeping. I'm still undecided whether I got more sleep before Amelie was born ... or after. While pregnant, especially in the last two months, I was so stressed ... I could sleep two or three hours and then Amelie would wake me up, kicking ... or ... I suffered from restless leg syndrome. Do you know how to get rid of that? YOU CAN'T! ;-) I would walk and walk and stretch ... and need I remind everyone I gained a few pounds so it was never easy. (My knees suffered a lot) Luckily I went on mat leave early and I SO needed it. I slept during the day.

Then Amelie was born - and the sleep deprivation started while in labor thank you very much. I still remember watching Lisa and Corey trying to doze lol. I kept glaring at them, but it was dark so I don't think they noticed (hunh - shrug) Now that Amelie is here ... I still don't sleep, but it's SO ingrained in my mind that when she goes for a 4-5 hour sleep ... I can't. I toss and turn and ... clean and try a billion things ... then just as I'm falling asleep ... she wakes up and doesn't go back for a nap for .... the day ,.... or ... the night lol. THANKFULLY, she's usually pretty cool with just vegging in the living room watching Nanny 911, Star Trek Voyager ... or ... Shrek the Third (we've seen it at least 10 times in June). We get into some great discussions about how she's going to raised and where her time-out corner should be. (she suggested her swing) Of course, NOW I'm awake and we start to play - she usually quits after twenty minutes and either falls asleep on the floor or demands to be fed - or carried around so she can inspect the house. Ya'll think I'm kidding, but she likes to look around at things. I know I'll regret saying this, but I can't wait until she can walk. Yup.

Amelie doesn't have a schedule either. Her schedule is whatever she wants and for those of you who have successfully put your babies on a schedule ... you must be baby whisperers. Amelie just blinks at me like ... maman ... I'm going to take your need to have everything planned and EAT it. (nod) But I've been told it gets better. Once she gets older then I can get my revenge, as my parents did to me ;-) We'll see who's sleep deprived THEN!

Breastfeeding 101

How to breastfeed 101

1. Get your baby and get comfy
2. Give her the breast
3. Relax as she drinks while watching some television or somethin'
4. Check to see why she's making gurgling and choking sounds.
5. Be careful when you take her off to check her out ... probably going to get squirted with milk here.
6. Rub her back a bit and sit her up to help her out.
7. Take off your shirt, your bra, probably your pants and place a towel on the chair - these will most likely be soaked in milk.
9. Get a breastpad and some receiving blankets.
10. Start over
11. Burp your baby
12. Clean up the mess as she throws up everything she just ate - since it poured in her mouth she'll probably puke ;-)
13. Start over if she wants to.
14. Save yourself from constantly doing laundry and invest in a nipple shield. It also helps you from getting chomped on and really helps them learn to latch. :-D


Things I can do while breastfeeding :-D

Talk on the phone
Talk to company
Walk around
Type lol ... with BOTH hands (proud smile)
Sleep or at least nap
Put clothes away
Change the channel on the TV
Get iced tea out of the fridge from a jug that you have to squeeze a little button
Open a bottle of sprite
Eat

hmmm ... I guess mom's are pretty talented.

Postpartum Depression

I thought I'd write about a serious issue before getting on to some of the more fun parts of being a new mom. I do believe that every first time mom gets the blues, some more than others. Although I had told myself I would not get them, by the time I was in my 8th month of pregnancy I was already getting the blues. I was simply overwhelmed, as I'm sure most first time mom's are. I was SO sick of people calling to see if the baby had been born, especially people who *suddenly* had to be a part of our life. I know that everybody cared and still does, but I don't think everyone realized to what extent it was affecting me. Of course it never helps that my hormones were so out of whack that everything including the dog's drool made me upset.
Maybe nobody else has felt this way, but I know I have. As my sister gets ready for her wedding, it's so hard not to just take over *because I know what's best*. I'm glad I can restrain myself and I hope I can when she has her babies too. I hate to break it to those who've thought they could BOND with me when I became a mom ... if you didn't bond before, you ain't bonding now. While I was in the hospital, I was absolutely furious at the visitors who didn't call (except Grandma and Grandpa Gareau) - who felt they just needed to show their support - and the lack of privacy when I needed it. It made a delicate relationship even more fragile - and I'm not talking about mine and Corey's. Although I was desperately glad for Corey's support, what I needed most from people, was my privacy and I didn't get it because ... they felt they knew what I needed ... and to be honest, I think that hurt more than anything. Nobody ... will ever know me more than I will know myself. I wish I had been believed when I said I wanted no visitors ... I wish I had believed myself too - except for those I explicitly phoned to come and see me. In the hospital ... I had the worst birthday of my life so far. By the time we left the hospital, I craved sleep and solitude ... I got some sleep between incessant phone calls, and no solitude. I got plenty of offers of help ... with Amelie, but none to clean or cook for me. I was getting worse and trying to hold it together.

I can honestly tell you all, that I did not feel like a happy new mom. In fact, I felt like a babysitter because everyone knew what was best and would say stupid things like *oh you do everything by the book* and *that's not normal* or my favorite *she's part of OUR family you know we have every right to see her* ... I'm sorry, but she is a part of Mine and Corey's family ... and everyone else is our extension. Our family comes first, and our family was suffering because I was so unhappy, in turn making Corey unhappy and he certainly didn't understand what was wrong with me. In retrospect, I wish someone had taken him aside and pointed out that he needed to show support, even if he didn't agree with my protectiveness. I so needed to bond with Amelie and I felt like no one cared. Luckily for me, I had Tanya and I am so grateful that God made her my neighbor because she knew exactly what I was going through. She'd had many of the same issues that I'd had. She'd been plucked from her home in Alberta and set in a strange setting with a new family and then found herself with a new baby where everyone critisized and commented. I called her so many times during the first week or two, needing to talk about my feelings.

I'm also thankful that my sister Gayle would call and ask to come visit, then when she got here, she'd make something to eat. She even drove out here JUST to make me something to eat and that meant so much, because then I could just take care of the baby and try to learn to become a mom without interference. I've learned so much in the past two months and one thing is ... to appreciate the help ... and sleep when I can ;) There's no way to battle postpartum blues when you're crabby that's for sure.

I do thank everyone for their support and thoughts because I know I didn't appreciate any of it at the time. For those of you who've respected our privacy thank you so much, and although now I'm a bit easier going with Amelie, it's always safer to call first because as you all know ... with a baby things can change in a hurry. I'm so grateful for my mom who could just take Amelie and play with her so I could spend some time with Maddie - who usually had to be convinced to spend time with me lol. Silly Maddie. I know it was the hardest on her to stay away because she just wanted to take care of us, and although she didn't always ... she did her best. And thanks Memere and mom for cleaning the house before we got home, I'm sure the house appreciated it and is wondering when you'll be back :-)

so I hope nobody takes offense to this, I've revised it because some people did. I just want to make sure that everybody understands why I may have and may still be a little on the recluse side. Just be patient and let me be a new mom ... I won't have my firstborn as a baby forever and I want to cherish those smiles and giggles for a while before sharing them. Feel free to call and chat, and if you want to visit - make an appointment (jk) It's just better for everyone if you call ahead - it's easier to walk around topless when you're breastfeeding ... just so you know. :-D