I thought I'd write about a serious issue before getting on to some of the more fun parts of being a new mom. I do believe that every first time mom gets the blues, some more than others. Although I had told myself I would not get them, by the time I was in my 8th month of pregnancy I was already getting the blues. I was simply overwhelmed, as I'm sure most first time mom's are. I was SO sick of people calling to see if the baby had been born, especially people who *suddenly* had to be a part of our life. I know that everybody cared and still does, but I don't think everyone realized to what extent it was affecting me. Of course it never helps that my hormones were so out of whack that everything including the dog's drool made me upset.
Maybe nobody else has felt this way, but I know I have. As my sister gets ready for her wedding, it's so hard not to just take over *because I know what's best*. I'm glad I can restrain myself and I hope I can when she has her babies too. I hate to break it to those who've thought they could BOND with me when I became a mom ... if you didn't bond before, you ain't bonding now. While I was in the hospital, I was absolutely furious at the visitors who didn't call (except Grandma and Grandpa Gareau) - who felt they just needed to show their support - and the lack of privacy when I needed it. It made a delicate relationship even more fragile - and I'm not talking about mine and Corey's. Although I was desperately glad for Corey's support, what I needed most from people, was my privacy and I didn't get it because ... they felt they knew what I needed ... and to be honest, I think that hurt more than anything. Nobody ... will ever know me more than I will know myself. I wish I had been believed when I said I wanted no visitors ... I wish I had believed myself too - except for those I explicitly phoned to come and see me. In the hospital ... I had the worst birthday of my life so far. By the time we left the hospital, I craved sleep and solitude ... I got some sleep between incessant phone calls, and no solitude. I got plenty of offers of help ... with Amelie, but none to clean or cook for me. I was getting worse and trying to hold it together.
I can honestly tell you all, that I did not feel like a happy new mom. In fact, I felt like a babysitter because everyone knew what was best and would say stupid things like *oh you do everything by the book* and *that's not normal* or my favorite *she's part of OUR family you know we have every right to see her* ... I'm sorry, but she is a part of Mine and Corey's family ... and everyone else is our extension. Our family comes first, and our family was suffering because I was so unhappy, in turn making Corey unhappy and he certainly didn't understand what was wrong with me. In retrospect, I wish someone had taken him aside and pointed out that he needed to show support, even if he didn't agree with my protectiveness. I so needed to bond with Amelie and I felt like no one cared. Luckily for me, I had Tanya and I am so grateful that God made her my neighbor because she knew exactly what I was going through. She'd had many of the same issues that I'd had. She'd been plucked from her home in Alberta and set in a strange setting with a new family and then found herself with a new baby where everyone critisized and commented. I called her so many times during the first week or two, needing to talk about my feelings.
I'm also thankful that my sister Gayle would call and ask to come visit, then when she got here, she'd make something to eat. She even drove out here JUST to make me something to eat and that meant so much, because then I could just take care of the baby and try to learn to become a mom without interference. I've learned so much in the past two months and one thing is ... to appreciate the help ... and sleep when I can ;) There's no way to battle postpartum blues when you're crabby that's for sure.
I do thank everyone for their support and thoughts because I know I didn't appreciate any of it at the time. For those of you who've respected our privacy thank you so much, and although now I'm a bit easier going with Amelie, it's always safer to call first because as you all know ... with a baby things can change in a hurry. I'm so grateful for my mom who could just take Amelie and play with her so I could spend some time with Maddie - who usually had to be convinced to spend time with me lol. Silly Maddie. I know it was the hardest on her to stay away because she just wanted to take care of us, and although she didn't always ... she did her best. And thanks Memere and mom for cleaning the house before we got home, I'm sure the house appreciated it and is wondering when you'll be back :-)
so I hope nobody takes offense to this, I've revised it because some people did. I just want to make sure that everybody understands why I may have and may still be a little on the recluse side. Just be patient and let me be a new mom ... I won't have my firstborn as a baby forever and I want to cherish those smiles and giggles for a while before sharing them. Feel free to call and chat, and if you want to visit - make an appointment (jk) It's just better for everyone if you call ahead - it's easier to walk around topless when you're breastfeeding ... just so you know. :-D
No comments:
Post a Comment